I wish I could bring her back home :(

We're Dreamers

A blog to my sweet cousin Becca (because I was typing a comment back on her blog, and realized it was going to really be a novel, so I decided to turn it into a new post).

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a dreamer, because I've always been one myself. I could go to musicals every day of my life and I can see myself in every single one, but then reality kicks in and I think to myself "I can't sing like those girls, I can't dance like those girls - I can't ever do what those girls can do." (All these Broadway casting shows on TV certainly don't help these dreams of mine).

I think the key is not letting ourselves get in the way. You're like me in that you like the "safe path", which - unfortunately - usually leads to a very mundane life. We have to learn to take risks, because those are the people that are successful beyond their wildest dreams. While I truly believe my place is certainly NOT on a stage (I don't have the guts you do, girl...heck I get freaked out by singing when we play Rockband at a friend's house!) -you put it well - I've always felt like I was meant to lead a much more extraordinary life. Perhaps your passion is the stage and that's where you are meant to be, and the hardest part is the inner struggle with wanting that to happen now, and being content with what should be happening now. It may seem like I have put it all 100% in God's hands, but you know me and you know it's a daily struggle to take the control back and put my life back in my own hands. I find when I get stubborn, life gets a lot more difficult. Everything will fall into place, as it should. While there is the possibility that the right place may not be what is in your wildest dreams, when you get there, you will know it's right (of course, when I say "you", I'm preaching more to myself than anyone).

Anyone reading this that is perfectly content with life probably thinks I'm just a big, fat whiner and I need to get over all of this...but hey it's my blog, don't read if you don't want to :) If you're one of the lucky ones who is truly happy with where you are (I'm jealous!), think back to the days when you were soul-searching. Everyone goes through it, yet somehow we will all make it to other side. I refuse to wake up in 25 years and realize I have been doing something that only pays the bills but gives me no satisfaction. As cliche as it is, money can't buy happiness. With each passing day, I realize the money I make is less and less important. Life is entirely too short to not have a passion that truly makes you complete.

I didn't really mean for this to turn into a true novel - but if you haven't noticed, there is a lot on my mind. It's good to know I'm not alone in this place. Ash and I seem to be going through this searching phase together, which I know will only make us stronger.

My sweet Becca, follow those dreams and don't let anyone, especially yourself, prevent you from getting what you want in life. The sky truly is the limit. Forget everything a grumpy old choir director ever told you and realize that with God on your side, you have all the strength and confidence you will ever need.

Jeremiah 17:6-8

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that
sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

I love you hottie, and it's time for us to conquer our fears and live our dreams :)

On a lighter note - go make one of these.

Here's mine:

Kind of interesting to see how it turns out. You can change colors, fonts, etc, but my brain is working on something I'm going to use these for, so I kept mine pretty simple. Can't wait to see yours!

Funk

I can't explain where I am right now.

For lack of a better word, it's a funk for sure. I feel so lost - I have no idea what my purpose is in life.

I go through phases when it comes to my job. There are months when I really enjoy what I'm doing (which are few and far between) and others where I feel like I’m just another human robot working for corporate America, with no way to really make a difference in life. I feel like I'm here to do more than that. Sure, I spent all that time in school and am spending even more time studying now related to what I do, but I'm determined to not let all of that dictate what I do with my life. I always thought it was so unfair that you had to pick a major and get a degree, before ever really getting any experience in the subject (because let's face it, most of the time you can't get a job in your concentration without first getting the piece of paper). How are you supposed to know if it's really something you'll be passionate about that will give you satisfaction in life, or if it is something you can just learn to do? There are so many possibilities in life that I truly feel would make my heart and my soul happy, but my one obstacle with turning any of these dreams into realities is myself. I am not a risk-taker. I like stability. I like knowing how much money I will be getting every two weeks so I know for sure our mortgage will be paid, along with every other bill that comes along with being a grown-up. I am paralyzed with fear of the unknown, not to mention the fear of rejection.

Hi, I'm Tammy, the control-freak.

I am my own worst enemy and always have been. Not a day goes by where I don't hear "you should start your own business!" or "you could sell those!" or "I'll give you money to make me that!" and I have said time and time again I really feel like if I could spend all day in my craft-room, and still be able to pay the bills, I would do it in a heartbeat….but who really knows if that could happen? I am also my own biggest critic and an eternal pessimist (I know, I sound like a ball of fun, don't I?), so stepping out the limb and getting feedback on anything I make, that comes from within, is very hard for me to do. I feel like if someone were to tell me my stuff isn't good enough, it would be a huge blow to the pride because it all comes from the heart. Ashley is great at helping me get past this - he is constantly pushing me to be better and I feel a growing confidence on a daily basis.

The truth is, I know there is a bigger plan for me - for Ash, for us together - and it's just a matter of being patient until God decides to reveal that to me. I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, for whatever reason, and I feel I need to get this CPA mess taken care of, for whatever reason, so I continue to follow the direction I am given, knowing there is a greater purpose.

I recently came across Proverbs 16:1-9, 20 last week and it's been resonating in my mind since then - isn't it funny how you can grow up in a church and are fed passages time and time again, but you happen to "stumble" across it again when it takes on a whole new meaning? I love how God works with this. There is never a situation where you just happen to come across a passage - it is always exactly what you need to be reading exactly when you need to be reading it. Sorry for the tangent - Proverbs 16:1-9, 20:

1 The plans of the heart belong to man,

but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,

but the Lord weighs the motives.

3 Commits your works to the Lord

and your plans will be established.

4 The Lord has made everything for its own purpose,

even the wicked for the day of evil.

5 Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord;

assuredly, he will not be unpunished.

6 By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for,

and by the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil.

7 When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord,

He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

8 Better is a little with righteousness than great income with injustice,

9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

20 He who gives attention to the word will find good,

and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.

My heart is very heavy this morning. On my way to work, I prayed for patience, for guidance, for clarity, for faith. Faith in knowing God is near. Faith in knowing he will direct both me and Ashley in the coming days, months, years. Faith in Him.

Spoiler

I need a vaca. A solid week of doing whatever I want. Maybe I can make that happen before busy season kicks back into gear in November (ugh, is it really only 3 months away?!).

So I just spoiled the finale of the MTV show that was casting the lead role in Legally Blonde on Broadway. I had recorded the finale, as I was a good girl and in attendance at CPA class, and have yet to watch it. Well, I just hopped on to Broadway.com to look something up, not really thinking clearly, and there was a huge banner spoiling the finale. I am excited to see who won (because it's who I was pulling for), but dang it I wanted to watch with anticipation like the rest of the world. Oh well…it's only TV I suppose. Realistically, it could have been another month before I actually got to watch it anyways…

This was a completely pointless post…my apologies. My desire for anything productive has gone down the toilet….guess I better work on that :)

Have a good week....and here's my new fave....

Ugh

1.  Pray for Ash and his family - today is his dad's 50th birthday and it's sure to be a hard day.

2.  Have a new bag in the works…the first version will be out of muslin (just a practice on cheap $1/yd fabric).  I'm trying to practice and learn the basics so I can start changing some of these and creating my own stuff (that's the goal!). 

3.  Finally got a picture up of the dress I made…check out my flickr.

4.  Been a rough week for both of us…pray for guidance.  We both feel like we have been in a "transition" point in our lives for the past year, and we're ready to move forward.  I'm really struggling because I feel like we don't have any solid friends.  We have people we hang out with periodically, but we are always doing the inviting, and they're such a tight group we always feel like we're on the outside.  It's hard because we work in Dallas, so any co-workers that would be friends live so far away, we can't hang out on weekends, and all the people in A-town have their own lives so we feel like we're on the outside looking in.  We're in a very hard place, so please just pray for comfort and peace for what the future holds. 

 

Time to get back to work…

 

You Crazy

The line of people outside the AT&T store to get the new 3G iPhones.
While this may come as a shock, I will not be getting a new one, at
least not anytime soon.

You know you want to.

If you want a fabulous dog...My parents adopted this dog last week, but their older dogs just aren't big fans of the new puppy so they're trying to find a better home for her.

Craig's List



Take a look and let me know if you're interested, or reply to the Craig's List post and you can get more info from my mom.

Short but sweet

A short picture blog to show you what we've been up to (which isn't much)...


Ok I lied - Blogger is being a pain and I can't upload pictures right now. Check out my flickr (www.flickr.com/photos/tacobunni) for all the new ones in the following albums:


- PK Lakehouse (New album!)
- Craft Room (a couple of new pictures)
- Smalls, Stone & Friends (also a few new pictures)

This post is now very boring...my apologies.

On another note: I talked to my mom this morning and found she had to go to the ER around midnight last night because she got stung by, get this, a scorpion!!! The Dr. told her that the scorpions we have aren't the poisonous ones, but that if you get stung it can effect your breathing so he told her to go to the ER because she could feel the pressure moving up her leg and her teeth and lips were tingling. She was sleeping on the couch in their media room (they got a new puppy and she's been sleeping in there so the dog doesn't keep my dad up), and the nasty thing was in the couch! It seriously gives me the chills just thinking about it. She drove herself to the ER (which you can bet I lectured her about - hello? Call me??) so they couldn't give her any strong drugs there, but gave her a prescription and told her to take benadryl and ibuprofen as well. She'll be fine, but she said it was the worst burning sensation she's ever felt in her life and the worst part is knowing it was in the couch in her living room. My dad found it not too long after it happened (she didn't know what had happened at first), so it's in a jar being kept for Orkin to see so they can be sure to get rid of any others that might be around. She was pretty shaken up about it, but thank goodness she will be ok. Never a dull moment....

Hope you're enjoying your summer!