These past couple weeks have been highly emotional for me....ask my husband, he'll tell you that it seems like every phone call or conversation ends in tears. Not because something catastrophic has happened, but because, let's be real, I'm pregnant and HELLO HORMONES. It's the most bizarre thing ever to feel completely out of control of every ounce of your body, but that's another post for another day.
I've been feeling a wide range of emotions, and I can't really put my finger on how I feel at any given moment but I can say that there have been some blogs that I've read the past couple of days that just strike a chord with me. Certain words resonate in ways I can't explain.
I won't get long-winded, because this is more for me than it is for you and I just want to remember as much as I can from this crazy experience, even the emotional roller-coaster.
Natalie posted this yesterday and for some reason, every word almost sent me over the edge into tears. I don't have the "chapters" that are as distinguishable as hers, but I do find myself in a period of reflection right now; where I've been, who I am today as compared to a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago (wow, was I really 16? Clueless in the world, that's for sure). I wish I could write like she does, with such raw emotion, but alas that is not a gift that the Good Lord above gave me so don't mind me, I'll just be here rambling. Regardless of how similar (or dissimilar) my life is to hers, I really appreciated the state that left me in and that was - simply put: grateful. Every day is a journey, and as I embark on this new chapter in my life, I hope I can be open to learning from those who have gone before me, draw from their wisdom, and be the best mama that this little guy or gal inside me knows. I never knew how much I wanted to be a mom...don't get me wrong, the desire was always there, but lately it's become SO apparent that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and whatever God has in store for Little Bit, I'm privileged to walk hand-in-hand with him or her down that path.
Something else I've been feeling is straight-up, fear. I have not a clue what's on the horizon in the coming days. All I know, is somehow, someway, this little baby will make its way into the world (hopefully as healthy as can be) and it will be mine and Ashley's responsibility to love it and nurture it and help it grow. That's big responsibility and I think it's setting in just HOW big that is. If you know me well, you know I'm a worrier....about anything and everything. Always been my downfall. I know God is in control and my worrying is for naught, but I still do it. So of course, I worry we're not equipped for this new job. I read a quote on another blog this morning that helped ease some of that, at least at the surface:
New mom, parenthood is undoubtedly the hardest job you'll ever love. I know you want the very best for your baby, and in time, you'll realize all the obsessive worrying really didn't make you a better parent at all. No amount of hyper-diligence or overprotection will protect your baby from explosive diarrhea, unexplainable crying, diaper rash, or the sniffles.
Well said, and that's exactly what I needed this morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment